This one is for all my friends that are into self-defense/defense of
innocents, whether they are practitioners of the martial arts, shooters,
preppers, zombie hunters, or whatever.
For to win one hundred victories in one hundred
battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the
acme of skill.
Sun Tzu
Sun Tzu
I’ve heard it said more than once.
“I’m not scared of anything—I’m a black belt in Ima Badass Fu.” “Ain’t nobody gonna mess with me—I carry a
gun.” “I’ve been in more fights than I
have hairs on my butt, and always came out on top.” Well sunshine, I hate to burst your bubble,
but you’re practically begging for trouble.
I too carry a gun when possible and legal. I too am a recently returned practitioner of
martial arts. I’ve been in my share of
fights. So what? Am I immune from a good ol’ ass-whooping or
worse? Not at all. In fact, without a proper mindset, I’m MORE
likely to be attacked, hurt and/or killed.
There’s way more to self-defense than knowing the latest trendy martial
art or carrying a firearm (that you may or may not be proficient with).
An oft-used concept among the wise is that of “defense in depth.” Very simply, this means that a good, solid
defense is made up of layers, much like our good friend Shrek. If you have kids about 15 or younger, you
know the joke. But preserving our safety
and the safety of our families is absolutely not a joking matter, nor is it one
to be so cavalier about because “I do/know this or that.”
So what’s a better way to approach this? Layers, my friends. Layers.
LAYER #1: Don’t be stupid. “I’ll go wherever I want, and I don’t care what time it is, or what area of town it is.” Before you go, do you want your obituary to be one column or two? If a place or situation is known for trouble or the threat of violence, don’t go there or don’t do that! I can’t make it any simpler than that. There are lots of areas of my town that I don’t go to in the daytime, much less at night. I’m not racist, and I’m not snobby. I’m smart. Over 50% of the violent crimes in my town take place in these areas, and I’m not a cop. So unless I have a darn good reason for going there, I ain’t going there. Not rocket surgery, y’all.
LAYER #2: Don’t look like a victim. Punks, thugs, child molesters, and the like don’t really want a fuss. They don’t want a battle. They don’t even want to be noticed. They will spot a “hard target” and keep on moving, looking for one a little easier. I’m not saying you have to look like a bodybuilder or a biker, although both of those groups have a statistically significant less rate of assaults on them. By moving with confidence and ease, you make yourself a “hard target.” If you look like you know exactly where you’re going and what you’re doing, you make yourself a “hard target.” Don’t be afraid to make eye contact with people. Don’t hold it---some see that as aggressiveness, and that’s not what you want. Just a microsecond---just enough so that a would-be aggressor knows that you see him. His element of surprise is shot, and chances are he’ll move on. An appearance of confidence will keep you far safer than a persona of anxiety or fear.
So what’s a better way to approach this? Layers, my friends. Layers.
LAYER #1: Don’t be stupid. “I’ll go wherever I want, and I don’t care what time it is, or what area of town it is.” Before you go, do you want your obituary to be one column or two? If a place or situation is known for trouble or the threat of violence, don’t go there or don’t do that! I can’t make it any simpler than that. There are lots of areas of my town that I don’t go to in the daytime, much less at night. I’m not racist, and I’m not snobby. I’m smart. Over 50% of the violent crimes in my town take place in these areas, and I’m not a cop. So unless I have a darn good reason for going there, I ain’t going there. Not rocket surgery, y’all.
LAYER #2: Don’t look like a victim. Punks, thugs, child molesters, and the like don’t really want a fuss. They don’t want a battle. They don’t even want to be noticed. They will spot a “hard target” and keep on moving, looking for one a little easier. I’m not saying you have to look like a bodybuilder or a biker, although both of those groups have a statistically significant less rate of assaults on them. By moving with confidence and ease, you make yourself a “hard target.” If you look like you know exactly where you’re going and what you’re doing, you make yourself a “hard target.” Don’t be afraid to make eye contact with people. Don’t hold it---some see that as aggressiveness, and that’s not what you want. Just a microsecond---just enough so that a would-be aggressor knows that you see him. His element of surprise is shot, and chances are he’ll move on. An appearance of confidence will keep you far safer than a persona of anxiety or fear.
LAYER #3: Situational awareness. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve
seen someone bopping their happy ass through a dark parking lot at a Wal-Mart, restaurant,
or night club paying zero attention to where they were, who was there, and what
was going on around them, I’d have a much nicer house in a far better
neighborhood. Put away the damn phone or
whatever, and be aware of your surroundings and who is occupying them. If it’s
an area you frequent often, know what’s normal and what’s not. At home above all else, know your neighbors,
know the normal people coming and going.
Notice if someone is driving really slowly looking at people and
houses. Notice if you see door-to-door “salesmen.” Honestly, who does door-to-door anymore? No one legit, in my opinion. In short, pull your head out and keep it on a
swivel. Don’t just look—see. Don’t just hear—listen. Strive to know the routines of your normal
surroundings as well as you know your own shower routine. By the way, I don’t want or need to know anything
about your shower routine.
LAYER #4: De-escalation. Check your pride at the door. I don’t care if you could beat the beard off of Chuck Norris—you have nothing to prove to anyone. What you have is a body, a family, a friend…people that care about you. Getting killed because “you don’t have to take that crap” is just stupid. What’s more important—your foolish pride or your life? “I was standing up for myself” is not going to be much comfort to your loved ones at your funeral. There are predators out there that are just looking for a reason to hurt someone. Don’t give them one. Remove yourself from the situation. Agree with the person that you were wrong, even if you weren’t. Apologize for something you didn’t even do. Your goal is not to “teach this punk a lesson.” Your goal is to go home at the end of the day with all your teeth in your head and all your blood in your body. I’m going to paraphrase one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten—a friend and mentor says, “Just because someone is being a jackass doesn’t mean you have to change who you are.” I hope that paraphrase doesn’t offend him—he says it much more eloquently, but that’s the basic idea. Are you a person of honor? Don’t throw that away on someone who has no idea even how to spell the word. Empathize, apologize, whatever. Don’t throw fuel on the fire. If no one’s life or safety is in danger, let it go—it’s not worth it.
LAYER #4: De-escalation. Check your pride at the door. I don’t care if you could beat the beard off of Chuck Norris—you have nothing to prove to anyone. What you have is a body, a family, a friend…people that care about you. Getting killed because “you don’t have to take that crap” is just stupid. What’s more important—your foolish pride or your life? “I was standing up for myself” is not going to be much comfort to your loved ones at your funeral. There are predators out there that are just looking for a reason to hurt someone. Don’t give them one. Remove yourself from the situation. Agree with the person that you were wrong, even if you weren’t. Apologize for something you didn’t even do. Your goal is not to “teach this punk a lesson.” Your goal is to go home at the end of the day with all your teeth in your head and all your blood in your body. I’m going to paraphrase one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten—a friend and mentor says, “Just because someone is being a jackass doesn’t mean you have to change who you are.” I hope that paraphrase doesn’t offend him—he says it much more eloquently, but that’s the basic idea. Are you a person of honor? Don’t throw that away on someone who has no idea even how to spell the word. Empathize, apologize, whatever. Don’t throw fuel on the fire. If no one’s life or safety is in danger, let it go—it’s not worth it.
LAYER #6: Non-lethal defense. Nothing mysterious here. Pepper spray, stun gun, kubotan, monkey fist, etc. Something that will hopefully give your attacker pause, and may convince him to call it a night. If that happens, understand that he will probably leave hurling insults. Let him. Let him leave. Yes, he “gets away with it.” But much more importantly, you go home maybe shaken, but unhurt. By the way, consider the fact that whatever you carry could be taken away and used against you. Choose carefully and wisely.
LAYER #7: Physical defense. If you are a martial arts practitioner, a boxer, or have some other physical combat training/skills, here’s where they might come in handy. Always always ALWAYS allow your attacker an out at every phase. Just because you were attacked does NOT give you the LEGAL right to beat him into a red gooey paste, morally or even legally. Let’s face it: some areas of the country are not all that friendly in matters of self-defense. There’s no room in their fuzzy-bunny, kum bah yah, glitter-farting unicorn world for the necessity of violence, and they will be only too happy to prove that to you in a courtroom. You take your fighting stance—he bugs out. Let him. You deftly deflect an attack—he says “screw this” and leaves. Let him. You joint-lock him—he begs to be released. Let him go. You give him the good ol’ Kenpo “Five Swords” and between groans he begs for mercy. Give it. Your goal is to go home, remember? Anymore, that vigilante “take back the streets” crap only works in Hollyweird movies.
LAYER #8: Deadly force. My fellow concealed carriers are now saying, “About time!” Actually, no they’re not. I know dozens and dozens of CHL holders, and I can’t think of a single one that EVER wants to be forced to draw their firearm, much less use it. However, when 1-7 have failed, in most cases you have more than enough evidence to justify yourself in court. “Your honor, I was not in a bad place at a bad time. I was aware of my surroundings, and I saw the deceased acting suspiciously. I diverted my path, but he followed me and confronted me. I tried to de-escalate the situation, but he wouldn’t let it go. I tried to run for help, but he caught me by the arm. Then I tried the pepper spray, but it didn’t seem to bother him at all. I administered a good side kick into his ribs, and he just kept coming after me. I was in fear for my life, and I was forced to draw and fire.” Sounds a whole lot better than, “Your honor, he just would not STFU, so I plugged him.” NOTE: you will have to check with the state/county where you reside on their use of deadly force laws. I am not a lawyer, because some time back I found Jesus and decided I’d rather go to Heaven than to law school.
LAYER #9: Plan. “What? Another layer? The dude’s dead!” What I’m saying is that in your mind, in a stress-free time and environment, you need to make a plan on how you will deal with common situations BEFORE they occur. If and when they occur, your heart and mind will be clouded with adrenaline and fear. Plan beforehand. You will still be anxious and afraid, but at least you can say to yourself, “OK, I’ve thought about this before. Let’s just be cool and we’ll be home safe in no time.” The midst of a crisis is a lousy time to plan for the crisis.
