On defense

This one is for all my friends that are into self-defense/defense of innocents, whether they are practitioners of the martial arts, shooters, preppers, zombie hunters, or whatever.

For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.
Sun Tzu

I’ve heard it said more than once.  “I’m not scared of anything—I’m a black belt in Ima Badass Fu.”  “Ain’t nobody gonna mess with me—I carry a gun.”  “I’ve been in more fights than I have hairs on my butt, and always came out on top.”  Well sunshine, I hate to burst your bubble, but you’re practically begging for trouble.  I too carry a gun when possible and legal.  I too am a recently returned practitioner of martial arts.  I’ve been in my share of fights.  So what?  Am I immune from a good ol’ ass-whooping or worse?  Not at all.  In fact, without a proper mindset, I’m MORE likely to be attacked, hurt and/or killed.  There’s way more to self-defense than knowing the latest trendy martial art or carrying a firearm (that you may or may not be proficient with). 

An oft-used concept among the wise is that of “defense in depth.”  Very simply, this means that a good, solid defense is made up of layers, much like our good friend Shrek.  If you have kids about 15 or younger, you know the joke.  But preserving our safety and the safety of our families is absolutely not a joking matter, nor is it one to be so cavalier about because “I do/know this or that.”

So what’s a better way to approach this?  Layers, my friends.  Layers.

LAYER #1:  Don’t be stupid.          “I’ll go wherever I want, and I don’t care what time it is, or what area of town it is.”  Before you go, do you want your obituary to be one column or two?  If a place or situation is known for trouble or the threat of violence, don’t go there or don’t do that!  I can’t make it any simpler than that.  There are lots of areas of my town that I don’t go to in the daytime, much less at night.  I’m not racist, and I’m not snobby.  I’m smart.  Over 50% of the violent crimes in my town take place in these areas, and I’m not a cop.  So unless I have a darn good reason for going there, I ain’t going there.  Not rocket surgery, y’all.

LAYER #2:  Don’t look like a victim.          Punks, thugs, child molesters, and the like don’t really want a fuss.  They don’t want a battle.  They don’t even want to be noticed.  They will spot a “hard target” and keep on moving, looking for one a little easier.  I’m not saying you have to look like a bodybuilder or a biker, although both of those groups have a statistically significant less rate of assaults on them.  By moving with confidence and ease, you make yourself a “hard target.”  If you look like you know exactly where you’re going and what you’re doing, you make yourself a “hard target.”  Don’t be afraid to make eye contact with people.  Don’t hold it---some see that as aggressiveness, and that’s not what you want.  Just a microsecond---just enough so that a would-be aggressor knows that you see him.  His element of surprise is shot, and chances are he’ll move on.  An appearance of confidence will keep you far safer than a persona of anxiety or fear.

LAYER #3:  Situational awareness.           If I had a nickel for every time I’ve seen someone bopping their happy ass through a dark parking lot at a Wal-Mart, restaurant, or night club paying zero attention to where they were, who was there, and what was going on around them, I’d have a much nicer house in a far better neighborhood.  Put away the damn phone or whatever, and be aware of your surroundings and who is occupying them.   If it’s an area you frequent often, know what’s normal and what’s not.  At home above all else, know your neighbors, know the normal people coming and going.  Notice if someone is driving really slowly looking at people and houses.  Notice if you see door-to-door “salesmen.”  Honestly, who does door-to-door anymore?  No one legit, in my opinion.  In short, pull your head out and keep it on a swivel.  Don’t just look—see.  Don’t just hear—listen.  Strive to know the routines of your normal surroundings as well as you know your own shower routine.  By the way, I don’t want or need to know anything about your shower routine. 

LAYER #4:  De-escalation.             Check your pride at the door.  I don’t care if you could beat the beard off of Chuck Norris—you have nothing to prove to anyone.  What you have is a body, a family, a friend…people that care about you.  Getting killed because “you don’t have to take that crap” is just stupid.  What’s more important—your foolish pride or your life?  “I was standing up for myself” is not going to be much comfort to your loved ones at your funeral.  There are predators out there that are just looking for a reason to hurt someone.  Don’t give them one.  Remove yourself from the situation.  Agree with the person that you were wrong, even if you weren’t.  Apologize for something you didn’t even do.  Your goal is not to “teach this punk a lesson.”  Your goal is to go home at the end of the day with all your teeth in your head and all your blood in your body.  I’m going to paraphrase one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten—a friend and mentor says, “Just because someone is being a jackass doesn’t mean you have to change who you are.”  I hope that paraphrase doesn’t offend him—he says it much more eloquently, but that’s the basic idea.  Are you a person of honor?  Don’t throw that away on someone who has no idea even how to spell the word.  Empathize, apologize, whatever.  Don’t throw fuel on the fire.  If no one’s life or safety is in danger, let it go—it’s not worth it.

LAYER #5:  Abort!             OK, so 1-4 didn’t work, and it looks like things are going to get physical.  This is when you employ the oldest and best martial art ever:  Nike Fu.  Find an escape and take it.  Again, if your/someone’s life or safety isn’t threatened, is it worth it?  I remember a line from an otherwise despicable movie:  Roadhouse.  One of Dalton’s bouncers asks, “What if he calls my mother a whore?”  Dalton replies simply, “Is she?”  The reasoning is that if she’s not, what do you care what a stranger thinks or says?  And if she is—well, you can hardly beat a man that’s just telling the truth, right?  Words are stupid things to die for.  Evade and escape.

LAYER #6:  Non-lethal defense.    Nothing mysterious here.  Pepper spray, stun gun, kubotan, monkey fist, etc.  Something that will hopefully give your attacker pause, and may convince him to call it a night.  If that happens, understand that he will probably leave hurling insults.  Let him.  Let him leave.  Yes, he “gets away with it.”  But much more importantly, you go home maybe shaken, but unhurt.  By the way, consider the fact that whatever you carry could be taken away and used against you.  Choose carefully and wisely.

LAYER #7:  Physical defense.       If you are a martial arts practitioner, a boxer, or have some other physical combat training/skills, here’s where they might come in handy.   Always always ALWAYS allow your attacker an out at every phase.  Just because you were attacked does NOT give you the LEGAL right to beat him into a red gooey paste, morally or even legally.  Let’s face it:  some areas of the country are not all that friendly in matters of self-defense.  There’s no room in their fuzzy-bunny, kum bah yah, glitter-farting unicorn world for the necessity of violence, and they will be only too happy to prove that to you in a courtroom.  You take your fighting stance—he bugs out.  Let him.  You deftly deflect an attack—he says “screw this” and leaves.  Let him.  You joint-lock him—he begs to be released.  Let him go.  You give him the good ol’ Kenpo “Five Swords” and between groans he begs for mercy.  Give it.  Your goal is to go home, remember?  Anymore, that vigilante “take back the streets” crap only works in Hollyweird movies.

LAYER #8:  Deadly force.               My fellow concealed carriers are now saying, “About time!”  Actually, no they’re not.  I know dozens and dozens of CHL holders, and I can’t think of a single one that EVER wants to be forced to draw their firearm, much less use it.  However, when 1-7 have failed, in most cases you have more than enough evidence to justify yourself in court.  “Your honor, I was not in a bad place at a bad time.  I was aware of my surroundings, and I saw the deceased acting suspiciously.  I diverted my path, but he followed me and confronted me.  I tried to de-escalate the situation, but he wouldn’t let it go.  I tried to run for help, but he caught me by the arm.  Then I tried the pepper spray, but it didn’t seem to bother him at all.  I administered a good side kick into his ribs, and he just kept coming after me.  I was in fear for my life, and I was forced to draw and fire.”  Sounds a whole lot better than, “Your honor, he just would not STFU, so I plugged him.”  NOTE:  you will have to check with the state/county where you reside on their use of deadly force laws.  I am not a lawyer, because some time back I found Jesus and decided I’d rather go to Heaven than to law school. 

LAYER #9:  Plan.                                “What?  Another layer?  The dude’s dead!”  What I’m saying is that in your mind, in a stress-free time and environment, you need to make a plan on how you will deal with common situations BEFORE they occur.  If and when they occur, your heart and mind will be clouded with adrenaline and fear.  Plan beforehand.  You will still be anxious and afraid, but at least you can say to yourself, “OK, I’ve thought about this before.  Let’s just be cool and we’ll be home safe in no time.”  The midst of a crisis is a lousy time to plan for the crisis.

The Journey to Excellence

It's been awhile since I posted anything, but I haven't really had much of substance to say.  Today I do.  However, I figure it's time for a quick update on the ol' father-son journey through the world of Tang Soo Do.

Brody and I took our belt tests a month or so ago, and I am happy to say that we both passed!  I also took another test a couple of weeks ago, as I'm seeking certification in both Tang Soo Do and Kenpo.  The official results aren't in yet, but I have indications that I passed that one, as well.  I tell you what:  it's tough starting from scratch after many years of not doing any real training except the bouncer stuff (which I gave up upon turning 40), which mainly consists of three goals:  a)  de-escalate and defuse; b) come home after your shift with all your blood and teeth where they were when you left home; and, c)  if all else fails, take the "you stick it out, I break it off and beat you to death with it" approach, which helps ensure goal "b" above, though DA's aren't too fond of the strategy.  In any event, it's both easier and harder this time around.  Easier, because I haven't forgotten all of the skills I learned years ago and because of a more mature mindset these days.  Harder, because----well, because I'm mere days away from turning 45 and my body just doesn't move like it used to.  But this part isn't about me---it's about Brody.  I've seen much personal growth in him in the short time he's been doing this, and I couldn't be prouder.  Neither could he.  Wish I could get the picture to post properly.

On to the real reason for writing today.

Long before I re-entered the martial arts world, I was struggling with the typical middle-age man questions:  Who am I REALLY?  Am I a good person?  What have I accomplished with my life?  How can I live my life better? 

This next part may offend some readers, so if you are insecure feel free to skip the next paragraph.

Yes, I call myself a Christian man, though I must confess that most of the time I'm not a very good one.  That's why I generally don't go around advertising my faith---I'm a lousy poster boy for Christianity.  I have a Master's degree in Christian Ministry, so you'd think I would have my spiritual ducks in a row and be a halfway decent advertisement for the grace of God through Jesus.  However, I am not.  I have searched through the Bible for specific instructions on how to be a "good Christian," however, I didn't really come up with much.  There are general guidelines, but as far as behavior in any specific modern situation I struggled.  Oh sure, there's the whole "What Would Jesus Do" phrase that gets tossed around like a beach ball at a Jimmy Buffett concert.  Maybe I'm being cynical or splitting hairs, but in most situations I found that to be the wrong question.  What would Jesus do?  Well, considering he IS God in human form, I figured that he would use his God powers to rectify whatever situation it was.  I'm not being irreverent, just cutting through the bull and getting right to the point.  Obviously, I am NOT Jesus and have no such powers; therefore, I have to figure out an approach to problems and situations in the modern world that align with Biblical principles. 

I looked around at many self-help theories, and found them all sadly lacking.  I looked at the musings and opinions of the philosophers of old, and found them either too "pie in the sky" or too vague.  At some point, I stumbled upon the Bushido Code.  "Bushido" is the Japanese word for "Way of the Warrior," and it's the code that the samurai lived and died by.  In studying Bushido and how the samurai applied it to their lives, I found something that worked for me.  Now, some of you are getting kind of pissed off right now, right?  "How can some dang Eastern philosophy incorporated by a warrior class possibly align with Christianity?"  That's the nice version of the questions I'm imagining.  Before you write me off as a pagan or infidel, take a look at it.  The Seven Codes of Bushido are as follows:  Justice.  Courage.  Benevolence.  Respect.  Honesty.  Loyalty.  Honor. 

So tell me:  which of those principles is not in line with the teachings of Jesus?  Because they come from Japan rather than Israel, does that make them any less Truth?  Is it inconceivable that the Holy Spirit could have influenced the Asian culture as an inroad to future salvation?  No, I'm not a budding Buddhist.  No, I'm not a tentative Taoist.  But Truth is Truth, wherever it is found.  Studying how the samurai lived these codes out in their lives went a long way to aiding my understanding of how we are to live out the Scriptures. 

Anyway, I felt like I was onto something that would help me along my goal of personal excellence.  Around that time, I encountered a man that is something of an expert on the topic.  He has written a number of books and articles on the subject, all of which are essentially indisputable.  From this mentor-turned-friend, I began learning ways that I could supplement and aid my understanding of God's desires for how we are to live.  It was sort of like how I teach in my classroom:  Provide a concept, then show several concepts that accurately provide examples of that concept.   

If that is something that you feel could be of use to you, I have provided the gentleman's website below.  In addition, he is currently offering a "buy one, get one free" type of offer.  The book that I've referred to is the one I would recommend starting with:  Modern Bushido:  Living a Life of Excellence.  Whether into martial arts or not, whether a man or woman--this book is a great read.  I cannot think of a single type of person who would not benefit from reading this work.  Unless, of course, it's a person who has absolutely no desire for self-improvement at all.  But I highly doubt that a person like that would have any interest in what I have to say anyway.

Website:  www.thewisdomwarrior.com

Here's his offer, but it's only for a day!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=459479537480763&set=a.218152474946805.46807.132019980226722&type=1&theater

If you're not on FB, it essentially says that if you order a copy of Modern Bushido on Saturday, June 29th, he will send along another book (there's two to choose from) for free. 

So my youngest and I started our martial arts journey together yesterday.  We're only two classes in, and I already feel very, very good about my decision. 

I chose a school that is very traditional and yet integrates bits and pieces of a couple of other styles.  The primary art is Tang Soo Do, which is based out of Korea and is quite traditional in theory and practice.  There are also the occasional bits of Hapkido and American Kenpo to help round out the students and give some practical self-defense techniques that can be taken away and used almost immediately if needed. 

As I said, the main style is Tang Soo Do.  The instructor works in the "codes" within the lessons, and each class ends with a recitation of The Five Codes of Tang Soo Do:

• Loyalty to Country
• Obedience to Parents
• Honor Friendship
• No Retreat in Battle
• In Fighting, Choose with Sense & Honor

Who--especially parents--cannot get behind these qualities?

Watching my son go through his drills and learn his forms, I can easily see that it's already beginning to take hold of him, just as I thought it might.  The look on his face, the way he is already striving for perfection in each movement---well, it just makes me proud.  You can almost cut his concentration and focus with a knife, it's so thick.  I really think that over time (and maybe not that much time) it will begin having visible effects on him in other areas of his life.   That's the hope, anyway. 

He got his Do Bok (uniform) today, and as you can tell, is very proud of it! 

Wish him luck and a tenacious spirit to carry this through.

Why the Legal System is Screwed Up

Yes, yes...lawyers suck.  We all know that.  However, they're not the only ones.

As some of you may know, I reported for jury duty earlier this week.  So far as I was able to tell, there were only three cases that needed jurors:  Two civil and one criminal.

As I sat in the central jury pool, I heard the judge say that they had sent out over 450 summons to report that day; however, only 123 showed up.  After those that supposedly had a good reason were excused by the judge, that left exactly 80 of us.  As I sat there quietly reading my book, I was also listening to the comments and conversations around me.  Many of the things I heard made my stomach turn:  "I have work to do--I don't need to be here."  "This is a colossal waste of my time."  "There are so many other things I could be doing, but no---I'm here."  And the best one of all, "I'm missing all my shows."  Two seats to my left was a lawyer.  I knew he was a lawyer because he told everyone--lots of times.  He was complaining about how many cases were on his desk, and he didn't have time for this, either.  Violating my own vow to just keep my peace, I asked him, "With you being a lawyer, shouldn't you of all people be supporting this system instead of griping about it?  How many times did you sit around in your law school classes with your classmates complaining about how jurors never show up, and when they do they weasel out of it?  I know you're a lawyer--hell, everyone in the room knows--and you're not going to be picked, so why didn't you fill out the back of the summons excusing yourself?"  For my efforts, I received quite the condescending sneer.  This of course caused me to burst into tears and run crying from the room.  At least I suppose that's what he thought I would do.  What an amateur.  But worst of all was this kid about 23 or 24 years old.  With such a large room, I was mystified as to how he always seemed to be within my earshot.  He was being such a used feminine hygiene product, walking around whining about the police, the lawyers, the courts, the whole judicial system, and basically America as a whole.  You'll want to remember him for later, so let's name him.  I'll call him Punk-Ass Bitch, or just PAB for short.

After a brief wait, 20 people go to the civil court, and the other 60 of us go to the criminal court.  On the short walk to the courthouse, PAB is now puling and whimpering about the temperature and the wind.  Guess he doesn't own a TV or a radio to check the weather with...  Anyway, we get seated in the courtroom and learn the nature of the case.  The basics were:  it was a felony drug case against one individual and involved a BUTTLOAD of cocaine, with the charges being simple enough--possession with intent to distribute.  As the DA's representative (I'll call her ADA, even though I don't know if that's right) was explaining procedures and expectations, she had some questions.  I don't remember them all, but I do remember two.  Question #1:  "Does anyone know the defendant or any of the potential witnesses that I've listed?"  Four or five people said yes, but they indicated that it wouldn't have any bearing on their ability to be fair and impartial (pretty sure at least two were lying).  ADA then goes on to tell us that the range of penalties we could assign ran from 5 years/$10,000 fine all the way up to life in prison.  I'm not a legal expert, but that told me this probably wasn't that guy's first rodeo if he's guilty. 

An aside:  When I first heard "drug case," I almost became sexually aroused.  I DESPISE drugs.  I absolutely LOATHE and ABHOR them.  I've seen too many people's lives ruined or prematurely ended because of them.  Here's my chance to rip another scumbag doper off the streets, right?  Well, as I thought about how I was fairly certain a couple of people were lying about their knowledge of the defendant not having any bearing on their decision, I realized that I was lying as well.  I was prepared to convict this guy without hearing a shred of evidence.  Feeling guilty, I used some time to ignore the lawyers and just think about it.  It was then that The Big Thought hit me, and it's so obvious as to have made me feel stupid.  What a tremendous honor and privilege (however potentially grim the outcome) to be entrusted with such a heavy responsibility!  Regardless of my feelings about the drug issue, I wasn't here to judge the drug issue, nor was I here to judge the man.  I was to judge whether or not a particular event occurred, and that was all.  If the event DID occur, then I was to help decide what should be done about it.  With all the recent talk of America becoming a police state, I decided then and there that the State would have to have done its job properly to the point that I could honestly say there was no reasonable doubt that the event occurred. In heavy decisions, we must set aside our personal feelings and biases and truly examine what is right in light of factual evidence.

The next question the ADA posed was, "I'm going to ask each one of you by name the same question.  Can you envision a hypothetical situation--any hypothetical situation--where you feel that the range of penalties (5yrs/$10K to life) would be fair and justified?"  Out of the sixty men and women, almost HALF said no, they couldn't!!!   This was where my temper started firing up.  What in the bloody monkey f**k with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles WAS this s**t?!?!?  NO situation?  OK, how about this--I come to your house in the middle of the night, break in, rape and kill your wife, beat the piss out of you, steal your flat screen TV's and BMW, and sexually molest your pets?  You'd be calling for my head on a pike on the courthouse lawn at noon, and be right to do so!  By the way, PAB was one of the refusers, and by far the most vocal of them about it.

This meant that they couldn't get the 32 people required for final screening and selection by the lawyers.  The judge was absolutely disgusted, and said that this was the third time they'd tried to bring the case to trial and couldn't.  Oh, he was pissed!

So in line to get a note for the boss, I hear at least 6 different people saying basically, "I knew that would work to get me out of this."  The veins in my forehead are starting to pulse now.  Then I hear PAB, two people behind me, expressing his pleasure that this didn't go to trial. 

I am so done.

I turn to him, and give him the following diatribe, although I was at least civil and reasonably courteous:

"Happy?  You're happy?  Were you paying attention at all in there?  This arrest was made a year and a half ago!  This guy's been on the hook for this for a year and a half.  I don't know where he's spent that time--maybe in jail, house arrest, out on bail, I don't know.  But I do know this:  What if he's innocent? What if he didn't do it?  How can a man find a decent job or be able to take any responsibility with a felony indictment on his head?  Are YOU prepared to find a way to make up that year and a half to him?  And how about the other side:  What if he's guilty?  What if he's guilty and was out on bail?  How much more cocaine did he sell, and to whom?  What if a kid died from an overdose?  What if innocent people died as a result of the violence that always comes with the drug trade?  Then what?  Now, thanks to you and a bunch of other people here, the trend continues.  Whichever scenario might be true--it continues."

He responded to me by giving his oh-so-well-educated and experienced opinion on the legal system's faults, ending with, "The legal system here is just trash, man...it's all f**ked up."  I said, "You know what?  You're right.  The system IS screwed up.  And it's screwed up because of assholes like you!"

This got the attention of the bailiff and the ADA who were out in the hall.  I was fully prepared to accept whatever the consequence might be of calling a guy an asshole in a courthouse, but suffice to say they didn't seem to worry all that much about it.

The worst part of it all is this:  Within a month, these same people are going to be sitting around their homes watching the news and crying about the crime rate.  Worse yet, some of them may be victims of crimes.  In either case, their response will be to call for justice.  They'll be wondering why someone doesn't do something about it. 

Not a one of them will think that they ARE the "someone," and that they once had the chance to do something about it, but selfishly weaseled out of it instead.

Remember this story the next time you get a jury summons.  Yes, it's a pain.  No, you probably won't be chosen.  But it's your responsibility to take part in the system and to take it seriously.  You will be the "someone," and you will have the chance to "do something about it."

Yes, everyone talks.  Every time we turn around, there's people talking---to the point that spoken words just become more random noise in the world. 

Everyone talks; no one listens.  Everyone looks; no one sees.  Everyone hears; no one listens.

And yet we sit and wonder why our country is circling the drain...

If you come here to seek wisdom and enlightenment, you may be disappointed fairly often.  If you are looking to be enraged, you'll find something most of the time.  If you are looking to be encouraged, I hope to meet that expectation often.  If you're looking to be entertained, I think you'll find that on a pretty regular basis.

Topics?  Whatever I feel like talking about at the time.  They will vary:  science, education, politics, shooting, the abuse of the English language, military/veteran's issues, marriage, parenting, exercise---whatever.

One thing I hope to be consistent on, though.  I am most likely about to re-embark on my martial arts journey that I began many years ago.  It had gone by the wayside in pursuit of other things and meeting other needs, despite how much I learned and loved it.  A school has come to town that teaches the style I used to study (Kenpo) alongside and integrated with a couple of others, so I feel the time is right to approach it again on a regular basis.  This time, I won't be going alone.  I am taking my youngest son on his first steps into that world.  Those who know my family know that he has issues.  Who am I kidding--he has whole subscriptions.  However, wrapped up in all that chaos and conflicting traits lies a very kind, tender, and loving heart; as well, there is a sharp analytical mind in there.  It is my hope that this will help provide him with the focus, discipline, and self-confidence he needs.  I want nothing more for him than to one day be a good man, who is happy with who and what he is and successful on whatever path he chooses.  So I may be chronicling our journey here as well. 

I'm a random guy, so if you're looking for a post every Wednesday at 3:41, you will be sorely disappointed.  Unlike most people in the world, I generally only make the effort to speak if I have something to say, at least in formal or semi-formal situations.  Everyday conversations I may say nothing or I may prattle on like a spider monkey on crack. 

So stay tuned, and I guess we'll see what happens.

Just A Guy

(Hmmmm.....may have to just sign as "JAG."  That oughta piss off military lawyers.)